SCREEN GRAB.
By Shiksha Dheda
Screen
noun
a fixed or movable upright partition used to divide a room, give shelter from draughts, heat, or light, or to provide concealment or privacy.
Hiding.
Always hiding.
True emotions behind emoticons.
Real smile lines behind make-up.
Soiled clothing behind the façade of pristine womanhood.
Painful yelps of my body literally chewing and spitting itself out, behind unrealistic sanitary pad advertisements with giggly women being painlessly productive.
My intrusive thoughts behind senseless counting.
My strange compulsions, my compulsive hand-washing behind nitrile gloves.
The overbearing guilt of contributing to destroying the planet with my excess plastic usage; the gloves, the clingwrap, the extra packets to protect my food from germs behind collective societal nonchalance.
True identities behind animated profile pictures.
Hairy legs behind stockings.
The fear of intrusive thoughts being reality behind handwashing.
The fear of D in OCD standing for Demon, for being wrong, for being evil behind bloodied palms.
The fear of being a danger to society behind refusing to touch anything without wearing gloves.
The fear of being alone behind ‘I prefer my own space’.
The fear of thinking I deserve to be alone.
Shiksha Dheda is a South African of Indian descent. She uses writing to express her OCD and depression roller-coaster ventures. Sometimes, she dabbles in photography, painting, and baking lopsided layered cakes. Her debut poetry collection, Washed Away, is forthcoming with Alien Buddha Press.
She rambles annoyingly on Twitter: @ShikshaWrites.